Warning: it's long.
Homecoming Talk August 21, 2016
Almost exactly two years ago, I was sitting in the
chapel of the church in Brigham City Utah, listening to my cousin give his
farewell talk. Until that point people had asked me if I was going to serve a
mission, and the answer was always a definite “NO WAY.” I had been at BYU for a
year by then and my testimony had grown a ton and I knew that God loved me and
the gospel was true. And I didn’t need to serve a mission to share that with
others, I was going to be the very best member missionary right here in my
comfort zone. Thank you very much!
But, if you’ve lived, and I know you have, than you
probably know that things don’t always go according to plan. So, while I was
listening to that farewell talk, the Spirit decided to show me a glimpse of who
I could be. He allowed me to see just for a second that I could be a
missionary, and it might not be so bad. And then, this always stresses me out,
He said, “Maybe you should pray about it.” I hate when the Spirit says that!
But obviously, I took His advice, and prayed about it, and here I am, two years
later, a return missionary. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
I am so grateful that God gave me the chance to serve
in the Washington Tacoma mission. It really has been the best 18 months so far.
To give you some insight into what the WA-TAC is like, picture the most
beautiful place. Picture tall evergreen trees, with other tall trees covered in
moss. Picture a view of Mount Rainier from some places, a view of Mount St.
Helens in others, and a view of the Olympic Mountain Range from somewhere else.
There’s the Puget Sound with the sun setting on it and the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge. Imagine the freezing cold west coast, with lots of sand dollars and
lots of wind. Think of all the flowers that you’ve never seen before and put
them in one place. Imagine all the blackberries you could ever want, plus some!
Washington is beautiful. It’s less beautiful sometimes though when you see the
rain, and more rain, and more rain for months on end. And dark nights, that
start at 4 in the afternoon. Sometimes we walked in the middle of nowhere past
cows and llamas during the day, and then at night, we wouldn’t be able to see a
few inches in front of us. Imagine wearing a rain jacket and rain boots for
what seems like forever. Imagine walking into a yard and being chased by 5
ginormous dogs. Something I didn’t know before my mission was that people in
Washington like their dogs a lot more than they like people. We knocked on
doors for at least 2 hours a day, every day for 18 months. Imagine all the
people you could meet if you did that. Imagine all the stories you could hear. A
mission is physically exhausting from walking so much your whole body hurts and
you fall into bed as soon as you finish planning. It’s also spiritually
exhausting because we are learning and studying and praying and bearing your
testimony and feeling the Spirit so strongly every day. It can be emotionally
exhausting when one person after another listens to your testimony and still
decides to shut the door and tell you no thanks. Or when you see one of your
recent converts decide not to come back to church, even after the miracles
they’ve seen in their lives. A mission also brings a lot of joy as you teach
someone and everything just makes sense to them, like it does to you. And there
is continued joy as you watch them change their lives and turn them around so
that they can be baptized. Or the happiness that comes as you see a family
prepare to go to the temple together. A mission is full of experiences and
wonderful things, it’s also full of trials and hardship, but there must be
opposition in all things. I wish I could just tell you everything about my
mission, every funny story, every sad story, every spiritual experience, and
all the miracles that I saw, but I’m just going to have to stick to a few good
chunks of my mission. For the rest you’ll just have to go read my blog. That’s
where all the stories are.
One of the biggest things I learned on my mission is
that God can make a lot more of us than we can imagine. He has big plans for
us, and sometimes it can be hard to believe that. One of the major reasons why
I didn’t want to serve a mission was because I was afraid of everything. And my
confidence in myself wasn’t very strong. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to
handle the work, the long days, the talking to literally every person you see,
the being with a companion 24/7, the walking, the food, the teaching,
everything! Everything about missionary work sounded like something I couldn’t
do. And honestly, if it all depended on me, I wouldn’t be able to. But I
learned quickly that I wasn’t on my own, that God was going to help me and give
me what I needed to accomplish what He asked me to do.
One of my absolute favorite stories in the Book of
Mormon is in Ether 12. Moroni is worried about the “awkwardness” of his hands.
So, he’s writing part of the Book of Mormon and he is worried that people are
going to make fun of what he wrote. That they won’t take it seriously because
he’s not a good writer. He knows that his talents are in speaking, not in
writing, and so he’s worried about this job that God has given him to write and
put together the Book of Mormon. He even compares himself to other great
writers. I often feel the same way, but God knows what He’s doing.
This scripture is probably familiar to you, but God’s
response to Moroni was this: “If men come unto me I will show unto them their
weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is
sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble
themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become
strong unto them.”
Well, another giant thing I learned on my mission is
that I am weak. Something about missionary work really reveals all of your
flaws. Constantly you are realizing and recognizing all the things that you
aren’t good at. Maybe it’s just me, maybe other people don’t have that happen
to them, but I know that I was made VERY aware of my weaknesses on my mission.
But I also became VERY aware of the help I was getting from my loving Father in
Heaven.
My very favorite ward that I served in was kind of an
example of this. About 7 months into my mission I got a transfer call from my
mission president telling me that I was going to be transferred to Winlock. (I
had never heard of Winlock before.) And not only was I being transferred to
Winlock, but I was also going to be training. Up until that point I had been
thinking I was getting the hang of missionary work. In fact, I was probably a
bit prideful and felt like I was ready to train. But when I was told that I was
going to take over a new area in the middle of nowhere while also helping a new
missionary adjust to the mission I realized that I knew nothing about
missionary work! I definitely wasn’t ready to do this! I was really stressed
out and actually ended up asking my zone leaders for a blessing to help me
prepare!
I looked in my journal while preparing for this talk,
and a few of the things that I was told during that blessing stuck out to me to
share with you. I was told: “Your Heavenly Father is aware of the anxiety you
feel, and how nervous and stressed this calling makes you. He knew it would make
you feel this way, but He trusts you. He is proud of you and the effort you put
into your missionary work.” Now, that blessing was directed towards me, and
it’s not scripture, BUT I think it can be applied to all of His children!
Heavenly Father is aware of us. He knows what we’re going through. He knows how
we feel. He understands that some of the trials we go through are hard for us.
He also knows, that we can make it. It’s important to always remember that
everything that God does is to help us grow and to bring us happiness. HE LOVES
US!
Something else I was told during this blessing was
that “the trials you will have in the months ahead will stretch you and help
you to grow.”
The trials that I had mostly came because of my
weaknesses that I quickly became aware of. But, as I relied on the Lord and
worked hard, we saw miracle after miracle after miracle and both I and my
companion grew and learned so much in the two transfers that we were together.
Those miracles didn’t come from us, they came from God.
Which leads me to another thing that I learned on my
mission. Something that just astounded me every time, was that God is in
control. As a missionary, there were situations that I had where I realized
that I was in the right place at the right time. For some reason, plans would
go wrong, and we’d end up somewhere, and we’d run into someone who needed us
right then. And if we hadn’t been there, we never would have met them.
There were areas that I served in and companions that
I was with that proved to me that God is in the details. Missionary work is all
about bringing souls to Christ. A lot of the time, those souls are people that
we met and helped to bring into the waters of baptism. Sometimes, those souls
are members that have already been baptized, but still needed help finding
their way to the Savior. Other times, those souls are us, the missionaries.
Most of the time, it’s all of those groups. God loves all of His children, and
He puts all of us in the path of others that we can help.
What I’m truly grateful for, is that God allowed me to
participate in this great work. I believe that He could do it all on His own.
He doesn’t really need us. Honestly, we’re basically teenagers! We don’t know
what we’re doing! But, He gave me the chance to watch with a front row seat, as
He changed lives. And I got to do my small part.
There is a story in the New Testament, Mark 12:42-43,
where an old widow goes to the temple to give her fast offering or something
like that, and she donates two mites, which isn’t very much, but it’s also all
that she had. And Jesus Christ tells His disciples to use her as their example,
for “this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the
treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did
cast in all that she had.” Sometimes, we don’t have a lot to offer. Sometimes
all we have to give is that we are willing to serve a mission and hope for the
best. But God will take those two mites that we have to give and make them more
than we can imagine. He’s grateful for everything we offer.
The last thing I wanted to talk about is Jesus Christ,
and His role in my life and my mission. I have a very strong testimony of the
Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know without a doubt that He lives and that He
heals and that He is the light and the life of the world. He is the Creator, He
is Almighty. He is Amazing. He is the Great I Am. His Grace covers us all. He
is also my Friend, and my Brother, and He walks beside me. My mission was a lot
easier than I thought it was going to be. I was blessed with a clear mind,
energy, and more strength than I thought I had. But there was one point in my
mission where I was having a more difficult time. My dad had just been
diagnosed with cancer, and I was trying to sign up for classes, and figure out
how to pay for school, while also doing missionary work. We had also just taken
over a second ward, and were trying to figure out how to balance both. People
have been in tougher situations before, but I was stressed out. I was sitting
in sacrament meeting one day, thinking about all of this, and worrying, when I
had an image pop into my mind. Jesus Christ was sitting right beside me. He
didn’t say anything, but I could tell that He cared about me, and wanted to
help me. He had His hand stretched out as if He was waiting for me to give Him
something. He just sat there patiently and lovingly waiting. Finally, I gave in
and reached into my pocket and pulled out a rock and handed it to Him. He kept
waiting, so I reached into my pocket again and pulled out another rock, and
another and another and another and kept handing them over to Him. And He
willingly took every single one. This didn’t actually happen in real life, but
it was a reminder to me that I can give ALL of my burdens to the Savior. That’s
what He wants us to do. He will carry our load, He will make our burdens light.
We have no reason to hold on to them. Over and over and over again I have felt
the love of my Savior for me, I have relied on His strength and His grace so
many times. I have to evaluate often if I’m trying to hold onto things that He
can help me overcome, and doing that has helped me to help others do the same
thing.
Our mission song was Amazing Grace, and it’s such a
good song with so many good lines but my favorite part is the chorus that says
“My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, my God my Savior has ransomed me, and
like a flood His mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace.”
Being a missionary, has given me a chance to gain a
small understanding of that unending love that He has for me. Every time I was
transferred, I met a ton of people, and loved every single one of them. I loved
the members, I loved my investigators, I loved the strangers I met going out
and about. Then I’d be transferred and I was positive that there wouldn’t be
any room left in my heart for MORE people. But then I’d get there and I’d meet
them, and just imagine all the little people in my heart squeezing together to
make more room for more people to hop in. That’s what it felt like. All of a
sudden, there was more room! Then, I’d go to the next area and think the same
thing. And guess what, somehow they all fit! And now, my poor heart has a
bajillion people inside of it, and it will probably just have to keep growing.
Because I meet a lot of new people. Can you imagine how the Savior must have
felt, when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane thinking and caring about each
and every one of us individually, and making room in His heart for every single
one of God’s children?
I am so grateful for Him and His unending love, and
His amazing grace.
While I was taking the sacrament, the song “I Stand
All Amazed” came into my mind and I decided to read the words. As I was reading
them, I realized that this is my theme song! So, I’m just going to share those
with you.
“I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, confused
at the grace that so fully he proffers me. I tremble to know that for me he was
crucified, that for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine,
to rescue a soul, so rebellious and proud as mine, that he should extend his
great love unto such as I, Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.
I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the
debt! Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise
and adore at the mercy seat, until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.
Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me, enough
to die for me. Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!”
I know He lives. I know that He is the way. I know
that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored and that we can live with our
Father in Heaven again one day. I know that through faith, repentance, and
baptism we can get on that path to our Father again. I know that as we stay on
that path and keep growing and keep learning and keep relying on the Savior we
can one day be with our families and our Heavenly Father forever and eternity.
I know this is true. And I’m so grateful for that knowledge. In the name of
Jesus Christ, amen.
